Updated: Feb 2
My Dearest Sher,
As a young girl, I held firm to the belief that the world was mine to conquer and that I had the power to make a difference in the lives of others. My plan after college was to join the Peace Corps and give back to the world. But then I met Mat, and we fell in love. When I became pregnant, motherhood was not something I had envisioned for myself, but I did my best to embrace it. Motherhood proved to be one of the most challenging experiences of my life, as it did not come easily to me. I felt like an impostor in the role. Mat was my partner, and I trusted him with my deepest fears and aspirations. My love for him was so strong that I lost sight of my own goals and began to neglect my own needs.
I did everything in my power to make him happy, but nothing seemed to work. Despite my best efforts, he fell into depression and repeatedly abandoned me. I tried to save him, but in the process, I lost myself. The relationship that I thought would last forever crumbled, and I constantly struggled to put the pieces back together, only for him to continue to kick them aside. Because of his own pain and insecurities, he subjected me to emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. At the time, I didn't realize what was happening and believed it was just my turn to carry the heavier load in the relationship. Over the years, the burden grew increasingly heavy, and I was no longer able to carry it on my own. I fell into a destructive pattern, using bingeing as a release from the weight of his soul. It became my escape, my best friend, and I couldn't imagine living without it.
And then, one day, when I had lost all sense of self-worth and dignity, a new friend entered my life. This friend wanted nothing from me and, when I asked, showed me my true self. This friend only gave, never taking. They were always there for me, fulfilling my deepest desires. This friend was compassionate and truthful. They never took my power, never abandoned me, never put me down, and loved me unconditionally. This friend was me.
With all my Love,