Updated: Feb 2
Dear Hayden and Dylan,
I want to take a moment to reflect on the profound growth and journey I have undergone in recent years, including the various travels that have taken me to the depths of my heart and allowed me to face the truth.
Recently, I had lunch with my sponsor, where we discussed the usual topics, such as my lack of communication and my tendency towards self-sufficiency, a character defect that often leads me astray. Despite my understanding of the actions I should take when I find myself in a state of confusion, a voice within me continues to whisper, "you have to do this on your own."
However, I have come to realize that this voice is a fallacy. In reality, I have not been doing things alone. I have reached out to others and made connections, allowing myself to trust others once again. To my surprise, this lesson was taught to me by none other than my 19-year-old twin sons.
Three years ago, our lives were in disarray. The boys had lost all trust in me, due to my actions during a turbulent time in my life. My then-husband and I were in an unhealthy codependent relationship, and I took on the majority of his emotional struggles. Over time, things only got worse, and I hid this from everyone, especially my sons.
You can imagine their shock and pain when, in a drunken rage, I exposed their father's abuse and neglect to the world. The man I had protected became their worst enemy, and I inadvertently put that emotional burden on my sons. As a result, they chose to live with their father.
However, after a year of sobriety, I asked for their forgiveness and was fortunate enough to receive it. Trust, on the other hand, took time. I had to release control over my ex-husband, allowing my boys to see him for who he truly was and see me for who I am. Today, one lives with me and the other lives just half a mile away at their father's house.
I understand that holidays have been difficult and painful for my boys, as they have been guilt-tripped into spending every holiday with their father. But today, I see the strength that I possess, and my boys know this too. They see that I will not let anyone else's negative behavior break me. Today, I am responsible for my own happiness, emotions, and behaviors.
My sons are the reason for everything in my life. They possess wisdom beyond their years, the kindest hearts, and a creativity that is executed with humility and love. Being twins, they are truly special, and these two are extraordinary. I cannot express how grateful I am to be their mother.
Happy 19th birthday, Hayden and Dylan.