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  • Sher

This is how we heal…

Updated: Dec 31, 2022

I’ve read a lot of books about trauma and how to heal trauma. I follow pop psychology stuff on Instagram, I listen to podcasts, heck I have a psychology degree due to my healing obsession.

The one thing that all these sources continually say is that in order to heal the past we have to repeat it differently in the here and now. At first I didn’t understand that, I was like no way am I going through all that again. Some say that you have to reenact in the safety of a therapists office, some say you can take psychedelics to enhance your spiritual understanding of what you went through.

All that sounds well and good, actually it doesn’t it sounds terrifying, frightening and overly simplistic. But, yesterday I had an opportunity to put all the knowledge and work that I have done into practice.

So here’s the scenario. My 19 year old son is being verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by his Dad, my abuser. He wants to get out, he is scared to leave, his intuition is telling him one thing, his body another, and the imprints of trauma another.

He makes a strategic plan to get the heck outta dodge, the plan falters. I wait. I am triggered the panic starts to rise, it's as if I am back there in that home I feel everything that I felt back then. And then the memories come flooding back. Trauma response in full swing.

The cruel words he used to say to me it all hits me at once it’s like tigers are prowling and waiting for me to make a mistake so they can attack. I let my body feel every emotion, fear, rage, sadness, love, hate, anger, compassion. I am safe I am in my home so I sit with it all. I sit through the panic, I reach out to friends and family for support, I take a bath, I journal, I breath, I put on comfortable clothes, and I go through everything that I went through in the past DIFFERENTLY.

I calm down I sleep, I wake up, I have not done anything to make it worse, I love myself, I give myself grace. My son is home with me and he is safe.

This is how we heal, this is what sets us free. We prepare and then we do it differently.

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